Sometimes I let boys kiss me, even though I know I shouldn’t, and I let them take my jeans off.
Sometimes I cry for no reason and sometimes I stare blankly at nothing when all I want to do Is cry
Sometimes i drink until my blood turns to alcohol and the only thing I can remember is my name on your tongue
Sometimes the image of you burns in my mind and I can feel you in my veins
Sometimes I listen to your favorite song until I physically can’t take it anymore and then cry while it still plays
Sometimes I read books about people In a better place making memories and falling in love as i sit in this shitty old apartment filled with memories of you
Sometimes I take showers and scrub my skin until its red and raw in all the places your hands have trailed
Sometimes I run until i can’t breath and every gulp of air is laced with you
Sometimes I grab at my ribs, in an attempt to hold myself together
Sometimes I think I’ll be ok
And sometimes i know i won’t
Something I wrote because I miss you (via a-lovely-cup-of-tea)
When he says
He doesn’t love you anymore,
Roll your shoulders back
And look him in the eye
Even when it feels like your ribs
Are breaking inward, like spider legs.
When he digs up old aches
That he swore he forgave you for,
And ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner.
Ignore the way the words feel like sandpaper
Running all the way up your throat to your mouth.
When he blames you
For mistakes that wear his face,
Do not scream.
Do not cry.
Tell him that there are boys
Who would be proud to say they’d loved you.
Tell him that in two years
You won’t even remember his name
And don’t let him see the way you can taste your own lie.
When he leaves
Ignore the howling in your blood
And do not get up after him.
Not even to lock the door.
Do not, do not
Smell his shirts when you box them up
To give them back.
Swear off dating when you realize
You’re chasing ghosts that wear his smile.
It’s okay to cry over him.
It’s even okay to forgive him.
But do not go back to him.
If he did not know how to love you the first time,
He won’t know how to do it the next.